5 Years of CHOICE: A Personal Reflection

On June 9th, 2020, I made the decision to begin my journey as a solo therapist. It was a decision rooted in self-doubt and heavily steeped in imposter syndrome — and yet, beneath all the uncertainty and lack of confidence there was something I could not resist: a deep inner calling. 

I'd decided to call my consultation practice CHOICE — because healing, I believe, begins not with certainty, but with a choice. The decision to do something. A choice to show up. A choice to feel. A choice to begin again, even when you don't feel ready. That was the first step.

It wasn’t a grand launch. It was a beginning seeded in silence.

Just me, my practice, and a sincere hope to hold space for others — and for myself.

Now, five years later, I can say with full conviction:

I made the right CHOICE.

Why CHOICE?

Because healing starts long before change happens.

It begins with a decision — sometimes just a whisper, sometimes an insistent  scream — but always a choice.

I’ve witnessed this in every person who has sat across from me.

They may have come in with confusion, pain, or weariness — but in choosing to reach out, they’ve already taken the first step toward healing.

CHOICE is the opposite of helplessness.

It means:

“I don’t have all the answers, but I will show up for myself anyway.”

And that is enough. That is profound.

Why This Symbol?

In the logo of CHOICE, the heart chakra that sits at the center is not merely decorative but rooted in meaning. I've used  the symbol of the Anahata Chakra in the place of O.

The Anahata chakra, the fourth of the seven, is the bridge between the physical and the spiritual, between survival and surrender.

• The six-pointed star symbolizes the balance between the lower and upper chakras — grounding and growth.

• Its energy is shaped by Rajas (movement) and Sattva (purity) — a harmony I strive for in my own work and presence.

• Its animal is the antelope, a reminder that we are always free — free to feel, to forgive, to move.

• And its colour is green — the colour of healing, hope, and renewal.

• Anahata means “unstruck” — the place in us that remains whole, no matter what life throws our way.

Anahata means “unstruck” — from the Sanskrit an (not) and ahata (struck or hit).

It refers to a sound that is not caused by any external force — a subtle, eternal vibration that exists within each of us.

To me, Anahata represents that inner space that remains untouched, no matter what life has thrown at us. It’s the part that doesn’t get shattered — even when everything seems pointless.

When I began CHOICE, I was anything but sure of myself. I felt stuck — in doubt, in fear, and in the weight of wondering whether I was “good enough.”

But somewhere inside, there seemed to be, a quiet and steady knowing that this was meant to be.

That was my Anahata — the unstruck sound — guiding me even when I didn’t feel ready.

And now, five years later, I realize that this was what I witnessed in others as well.

They may come in feeling overwhelmed, maybe a bit disconnected with their inner selves, or a bit stuck — but underneath it all, there’s always that part that’s whole.

The part that knows how to heal,

the part that hasn’t given up,

the part that isn’t asking to be fixed, just to be seen.

That’s the unstruck place — quiet, intact, waiting.

And every time someone chooses to walk in, speak up, or stay with their own discomfort — they are choosing to reconnect with that place.

That is the real CHOICE.

And that is where healing begins.

This is what  I've always hoped CHOICE would stand for.

Not a place for fixing. Not a place to run away from discomfort. 

But a place where people feel safe, a place where they learn to reconnect with what’s always been theirs. That's the unstruck, unwavering place within each of us.

This is what I wanted CHOICE to represent:

A space where the heart leads and healing unfolds naturally.

What CHOICE Has Become

CHOICE is still just me — sitting with others in quiet, often difficult spaces.

But in these five years, it has grown roots. It has become a rhythm.

It’s the place where I’ve:

• witnessed stories unspoken for decades finally breathe,

• held space for grief, doubt, shame, and breakthroughs,

• learned to trust silence as much as technique.

And it has held me, too. As a psychologist, a seeker, a human being. As I watched others heal, I healed too.

What I Now Know

That people don’t need fixing.

They need presence. They need safety.

They need someone to believe, even on the days they don’t.

And above all, they need to know —

that they have a choice.

Five years ago, I chose to offer this space.

Every day since, I choose again.

Here’s to five years of CHOICE.

And to the many quiet, healing choices still to come. 

If you’ve ever sat with me, or even just considered doing so — thank you for choosing CHOICE.

And if you're reading this and wondering if you're ready — maybe today is the day you make your own quiet choice.

Overthinking & Sleeplessness Part II - Exploring Myths: Overthinking Is the Same as Planning

This is a very common and relatable myth—especially among high achievers, perfectionists, and anxious minds that confuse mental activity with productive action. Let's unpack this.

Myth #2: Overthinking Is the Same as Planning

Fact: Planning has structure and direction. Overthinking just loops.

They may look similar—both involve thinking ahead, imagining scenarios, and running through possibilities. But they operate very differently.

Planning	Overthinking
Has a beginning, middle, and end	Goes in circles, with no closure
Results in a clear next step	Leaves you more confused or anxious
Focused on taking action	Focused on avoiding mistakes
Leaves you feeling grounded	Leaves you feeling drained

Quick Self-Check:

Ask yourself:

“Am I creating a path forward?” → Planning
“Am I stuck in what-ifs?” → Overthinking

Insight from the Therapist:

Overthinking is often your brain’s way of feeling busy while avoiding emotional risk.
It mimics planning to feel safe—but it never lands.

So, what do you do?

To shift gears:

• Write down a simple, 4-step plan

• Set a timer: “I will think about this for 10 minutes only”

• Say: “Done for now. It’s safe to act, or rest.”

• Ground yourself with a physical activity

Scenario:
It’s 11:30 PM. You’re lying in bed thinking about a conversation you need to have—maybe with your spouse, child, parent, partner, or a friend. You keep rehearsing what to say, anticipating their reactions, adjusting your script... again and again. You tell yourself you're planning, but you're just spiraling. Sleep won’t come.

4-Step Plan to Stop the Spiral:

1. Name the Feeling, Not the Fix
   Say: “I’m feeling nervous because this really, really matters to me.”
   This doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. It also diffuses the pressure to “solve it now.”
   Remind yourself: Overthinking is draining me instead of helping me. .

2. Write Down Just One Clear Intention
   Instead of scripting the entire conversation, write one sentence like:
   “I want to be honest without hurting them.”
   That’s actual planning. It anchors you without forcing perfection.

3. Timebox It, Then Close the Loop
   Set a 5-minute timer. Use this time to think or write freely. When the timer ends, say:
   “This is enough for tonight. I’ll revisit it with a fresh mind.”
   Whether you’re writing or thinking, follow it with a closure ritual:

   • If writing, fold the paper and place it in a small box beside your bed.

   • If thinking, visualize putting the thought into a box and closing it.

4. Do Something Physical to Ground Yourself
   Stretch gently, sip some water, or dim the lights.
   Signal to your body: “It’s safe to rest now.”

"What you need is a decision—and the courage to follow it gently and to be okay with not getting it right immediately."

Overthinking and Sleeplessness Series Part I - Exploring Myths: Overthinking Cannot be Stopped

I’m writing this series on overthinking to help reframe the narrative around this common habit—not as a flaw, but as something that can be understood and managed.

We all do it.
A conversation replays in our head.
A decision loops endlessly.
Sleep disappears.

That’s overthinking.

But here’s the thing: overthinking isn’t just a bad habit—it’s often misunderstood.

In this post, let’s gently unpack some myths vs facts, so we can stop blaming ourselves—and start supporting ourselves.

Myth #1: “Overthinking cannot be stopped.”

Fact: Overthinking is usually a sign of emotional overload—and it can be managed.

So, why is it more than just “thinking too much”?

When you’re emotionally flooded or anxious, your brain tries to find safety by running scenarios. To the brain, this feels like control—but really, it’s just looping.

You’re not weak. You’re overwhelmed.
And your brain is trying to help, in the only way it knows how.

Think of it like a car stuck in the mud—spinning its wheels, trying to get traction. These tools help you step out of the spin and get back on solid ground.

You Are Not Your Brain

You’ve probably said “my brain” just like you say “my pencil.”
Why? Because you are not your brain.
That’s an important clue.

All jokes apart, the key is not to fight the thought or force it to stop.
The key is to gently disengage from the loop and return to yourself.

How do you do this?

Before you jump into tools, pause and ask yourself:

“What is the benefit of this thought loop?”

If there’s a benefit—maybe a plan forms—capture it.
Write it down. Then say this aloud to yourself:

“The thought is safe. I’ve stored the plan. It’s okay to rest now.”

But if the loop is just spinning without helping—try one of these gentle tools.

Important note: This isn’t a quick fix.

These strategies work—and they get stronger with practice. Like training a muscle.

1. The “Name It” Strategy

When a thought keeps looping, say aloud:

“Right now I’m having the thought that...”

Example:

“Right now I’m having the thought that I’ll mess this up.”

Why this helps:
This small phrase creates healthy distance. It reminds you: “I am not my thought.” You’re the observer—not the storm.

2. Finger Tapping + Affirmation

Tap each finger to your thumb while repeating a calming phrase:

“I am here... I am safe... This will pass... I can handle this.”

Why this helps:
This combines bilateral stimulation with self-soothing touch. It grounds you in the present moment.

3. Box Breathing (4x4x4x4 Method)

• Inhale for 4 counts

• Hold for 4

• Exhale for 4

• Hold for 4

Repeat for 2–3 minutes.

Why this helps:
It sends a rhythmic safety signal to your nervous system. Calm body = calm mind.

Start Where You Are

You don’t have to master all of this at once.
Just start with one.

Maybe tonight, when the loop begins, you’ll name it. Or tap your fingers. Or breathe into the pause.

You deserve peace—not pressure.

Start small. One breath, one thought, one choice at a time.

Hope this helps. Try one of these and let me know what shifts for you.
Your brain is busy—but you are still in charge. 

A Journey of Growth and Learning

 Hello readers, I am back again.

I’m now a psychologist, addiction management therapist accredited by NIMHANS, and soon to be special educator.

 I’m will be using this blog to serve as a platform to share my experiences, insights, and some of the practical tools that have helped me. 

This space is dedicated to providing support and inspiration around mental and emotional wellbeing, addictions related information and early childhood education, and the unique challenges faced by families and individuals navigating the journey of raising children with intellectual  and learning disabilities. 

My approach to therapy is  to help people take responsibility for how they feel no matter what is going on around them.  This may sound harsh to someone who is hurting, but this is the only way to heal and gain freedom from the cords that keep us anchored to the past.  These cords have a way of yanking us when we expect it the least. not only from the psychological standpoint but also with an understanding of the deeper, spiritual aspects of human experience. This approach honors the connection between mind, body, and the deep unconscious, helping individuals align with their authentic selves and navigate life's challenges with inner peace.

My work is deeply informed by my understanding of the complexities of family dynamics, cultural expectations, and the mental health challenges that arise, particularly within the Indian diaspora. 

This blog will be a blend of practical tips, research findings, and personal reflections. Topics will range from child development and behavior management to managing emotional wellness, addiction recovery, and building healthy family environments. Whether you’re a parent, educator, or someone seeking support with addiction, I hope this blog becomes a trusted resource for you.

Every individual and family is on their own unique journey, and I’m here to walk with you—offering understanding, tools, and a sense of community. Together, we can explore ways to create positive change and growth.

I’d love to hear from you! If you have any questions, thoughts, or topics you’d like me to explore, please leave a comment below or get in touch. Let’s learn and grow together on this journey of mental wellness, education, and healing.

Thank you for being here, and stay tuned for more insights in my upcoming posts!

Understanding Autism: From Symptoms to Support

Thinking someone you know might have Autism? This blog post explores core symptoms, diagnosis process, and helpful therapies for individuals on the Autism Spectrum.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability that affects a person's social communication and interaction skills. It's a spectrum, meaning individuals experience symptoms in varying degrees. Here's a breakdown of key aspects of ASD:

Core Symptoms:

• Social Interaction:
• Difficulty using nonverbal cues like gestures and facial expressions.
• Struggles to develop friendships and share interests with others.
• Limited understanding of social and emotional reciprocity (taking turns, empathy).
• Communication:
• Speech delays or difficulties with spoken language.
• Repetitive use of language, like phrases or echolalia (repeating what's heard).
• Difficulty with back-and-forth conversation and social play.
• Restricted and Repetitive Behaviors:
• Intense focus on specific interests or activities.
• Insistence on routines and rituals, becoming distressed by changes.
• Repetitive movements like hand flapping or rocking.

Important Points:

• Somatic Concerns: Conditions like anxiety, digestion issues, and vitamin deficiencies can occur alongside autism but aren't core symptoms. Medication can help manage these.
• Social Desire: Children with autism do want social interaction but may struggle due to communication and understanding barriers.
• Therapy Approaches: Various methods exist, including:
• Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA): Uses positive reinforcement to teach desired behaviors.
• Floortime/DIR: Focuses on child-led play to develop social skills.
• Verbal Behavior Intervention: Teaches communication and language skills.
• Others like the Miller Method and Daily Life Therapy address specific needs.

Diagnosis:

• A diagnosis requires at least 6 symptoms, with at least 2 from social interaction challenges, and 1 each from communication and repetitive behaviors categories.
• Children who display some but not enough core symptoms may be diagnosed with a developmental disability with autistic features.

Learning and Development:

• Children with autism benefit greatly from direct instruction, as they might not learn through observation like typical development.
• Early intervention (25+ hours a week) is crucial for success in academics and social settings.
• Focus on teaching functional skills like requesting things directly.

Conclusion

Autism is a complex condition, but with understanding and support, individuals with ASD can thrive. This includes addressing core symptoms, managing related issues, and providing appropriate therapy and education.

Additional Resources:

You can consider adding a section with resources for parents and caregivers, including links to organizations like the Autism Society https://www.autismspeaks.org/ or the National Autistic Society https://www.autism.org.uk/.

Understanding Anxiety

 "Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained." - Arthur Somers Roche

Are fear and anxiety the same?

Fear is a response to realistically anticipated danger and anxiety is a response to perceived danger. 

The Anxiety Mechanism

Anxiety is nature's innate security mechanism. When a person faces a threat, there's an adrenaline rush that fuels and aids the instinct to either challenge the threat or escape.  Our autonomic nervous system has 2 branches the sympathetic and the parasympathetic. They each have a very specific role to play in this fight/flight response. Now let's take a look at these mechanisms.

Sympathetic Nervous System

When an individual faces a threat, the sympathetic nervous system activates physiological, behavioural, and cognitive changes. These changes help the person deal with the threat appropriately.

1. Breathing: Quickening of breath decreases blood supply to the brain.  This may result in dizziness, breathlessness, tightness in chest, blurred vision and a surreal feeling. The change in breathing rate also results in the tissues getting the extra blood they need for the fight or flight.

2. Redistribution of Blood: In emergency situations, we try to temporarily redistribute our resources to where they are most needed. The same thing happens in our body.  The blood flows away from areas like our fingers, toes, skin and into the muscles and organs that need it most.  This is the reason for the chillness, numbness or tingling sensation in our hands and feet when we get anxious.

3. Decreased Digestive Activity:  The decrease in digestive facilitates the diversion of energy to areas actively participating in the fight or the flight. Side effects to decreased digestive activity can range from dry mouth, heavy stomach to constipation.

Behavioural Changes: When confronted with a dangerous situation, our response, be it emotional or physical, would be to either become aggressive or escape the situation. In primordial days, this response was necessary for the very survival of our species.

Cognitive Changes: There's a shift in attention and focus is on the source of danger.   This shift helped ancient man to focus all his energies on the danger at hand.  We see this behaviour even today.  When we are anxious it is difficult to focus on anything but the perceived threat.

Parasympathetic Nervous System

Once the danger is past, the Parasympathetic system takes over and sets in motion a series of restorative process. The body eases into its normal relaxed state. The breath and the heart rate become normal once again.  Body temperature becomes normal.

However, some arousal remains for a while even after the danger is past. It would have been foolish for our hunter-gatherer ancestor to relax completely so quickly.  So, the keyed up feeling remains and only gradually tapers off.

The fight/flight response explains how nature has designed anxiety to protect us.  Therefore, it is important to remember that anxiety by itself not a bad experience.

When Does Anxiety Become A Concern?

Anxiety in some people gets activated even though there is no real threat. 

For Ex: 

Mr. A attends the wedding of his college friend's daughter. He hears of the death of another friend. This friend had a high BP.

This news triggers a series of thoughts in Mr. A. He too has high BP. He has a daughter in college and another in still in school. He's the sole bread winner. He suddenly has the thought, "What if I die tomorrow?" (danger)

He starts losing sleep. His poor sleep keeps him drowsy all the time. He is no longer able to focus on his work...

Anxiety becomes a serious concern when it interferes and impairs the day to day functioning of the person.

Family Psychotherapy - What it is and What You Can Expect

In family therapy two or more members of the same family are given counseling with the goal to change patterns of unhealthy communication and interaction among them.

Generally speaking, when a child or an adolescent is brought in for therapy for conduct problems,  the possibility of an underlying dysfunction within the family system is explored. The areas that are given special focus are: how family members interact with each other and the family dynamics - the specific role each member plays and the cascading effect it has on the others.

What the Therapist Does During these Sessions:

• Examines communication styles
• Helps the family set realistic relationship goals
• Psycho-educates the family
• Teaches the family distress tolerance skills and coping strategies
• Provides systematic coaching that facilitates adaptive and productive interaction among the family members. 
• Systematic coaching involves helping the clients explore and understand core beliefs about themselves. Core beliefs lead to unhelpful thoughts otherwise called cognitive distortions. Identifying and understanding these cognitive distortions will help the clients to reframe their thought process which in turn helps them respond to situations instead of impulsively react.

Each member within the family system has a hierarchical role and a specific style of interaction or response is expected from them. While these expectations can lead to balance and smooth functioning of the family, when these expectations are unrealistic/unmet, they can lead to  dysfunction not just at the individual level but also within the family system.

Goal of Therapy

The goal of therapy would be to focus on improving the current relationship. Bringing up past events time and again is actively discouraged. If at all the past is brought up, it is with the view of understanding patterns of interaction and behaviour. The clients are encouraged to make solution oriented choices. 

Family relationships are an important aspect of mental and emotional well-being.  Therefore, in family therapy, the emphasis is on interaction between family members. When one person within a family ecosystem has a problem, it tends to affect the entire family. In view of this, regardless of where the problem stemmed from and whether the clients themselves consider the problem as an individual issue rather than a family issue, involving families in finding the solutions that work for them is beneficial. 

The skills of a family therapist includes the ability to facilitate conversations such that it addresses the strengths and wisdom of the individual family members and at the same time support the positive aspects of the wider family system.