How Yoga Reduces Stress

 

It’s an undeniable fact that stress has become an inherent part of our lives. The causes are myriad and often unavoidable. To understand how yoga can bring down stress levels, let's first understand stress and its physical manifestations.

Typical Red flags

You are stressed out when

1. Your snappy responses are uncalled for
2. Simple problems suddenly overwhelm you
3. You have an attack of brain-fag (your mind blanks out at  unexpected moments).

Physical Manifestations

1. The effect of stress on digestion is well documented.  Excessive stress can cause indigestion and ulcers.
2. Over secretion of cortisol affects the normal functioning of the heart.  This makes you vulnerable to strokes and heart attacks.
3. Insomnia is another by-product; add frequent headaches to the mix and you often feel like throwing in the towel.
4. Stress weakens and slows down your immune system.  You are now prone to contract an illness faster and recovery takes longer.

How Can Yoga Reduce Stress?

You obviously can't avoid the activities that cause stress. What you can do is counteract the with activities that drain all the stress from your body and your mind.  

Yoga is one such activity.

Hatha yoga is a relaxation technique designed to prepare the mind for meditation.  The breathing and the physical exercises help you slowly extricate your mind from the complexities of everyday living.

The ultimate goal of meditation is to consciously empty your mind of all thoughts.  As anyone who has tried it would know, this is not easy to achieve.

The first thing you learn in Hatha yoga is slow breathing. You'll have to concentrate as you inhale, and visualize the fresh air fill and cleanse your lungs.  You'll then have to exhale slowly and imagine all the contaminated air leave your body.  When you are doing this, you are too busy trying to get it right to allow the outside world to intrude into your thoughts. You learn to let go and just be.

Yoga incorporates slow and easy movements as you inhale and exhale. Unlike other forms of exercises, you don't have to tax your body more than it is willing to go.  Your muscles are not overly taxed and yet, you learn to feel every single one of them.  Over a period of time, you'll find that most of your chronic health problems have slowly disappeared.  You'll feel pleasantly relaxed with your mind and body functioning in optimum condition; like a well serviced car. 

So, now that you know how and why yoga reduces stress, are you ready to practice yoga regularly?

Note: If you are over 40, it's a good idea to consult your GP before you start practicing yoga for the first time.

For help with mental health and emotional wellness, contact us.

Nurturing Self-esteem in Children

 Almost all us, have a vision of what our child's future should be like. Often, we create a tunnel vision and strive to herd our children through it. All our responses to them, both positive and negative are based on this.  Most of us don't even realise this. We start hacking at our children's self-esteem very early in their lives. This is really damaging. The hurt follows them right into adulthood and stifles their self-confidence at the most inopportune and often crucial moments.

In creating this tunnel vision, we forget one very significant fact: that our children are individuals with a fertile imagination and a host of dreams and ideas that could possibly be totally different from ours. Our job as parents is to facilitate and guide them. Instead, we thrust our views on them and expect them to simply obey. A child's self-esteem is about how a child sees himself. Whether it is high or low depends largely on how we as parents and all the adults in his life treat him. We plaster kids with all kinds of labels like, "you are a lazy guy", "you never complete what you start", etc. These seemingly harmless ones could be just as harmful as the more hurtful, "you are good for nothing".

"How then"' you may ask "are we to guide our children?". There is no truth in the statement, " Harsh words are just as necessary as medicines. They are both bitter but they make you better". There is no need to use harsh language when dealing with children. It does more harm than good.

First, let us realise that we ourselves are not perfect examples of humanity. Next, do we practice what we preach? How then can we expect our children to be perfect?

When my son was six years old he asked me,"Do I have to always listen to you because I am smaller?" That gave me pause and I started paying more attention to him when he had something to say. I realised then, that his perspective could be just as rational, though slightly different from mine. That was when I understood that children are more than willing to meet us halfway if we can earn their trust and respect.

Getting back to labels, guiding children is easier when we build their self-esteem. Instead of using general labels, we could point out specific behaviour that upset us and explain our point of view. Over the years I have realised that when I shout at my kids, they tune me out. But when I talk to them calmly, they make an honest attempt to look at things from my perspective. 

The added benefits of this approach are

1. Their self-esteem is intact
2. They trust us and therefore the lines of communication are open
3. They are okay with the limitations we set for them
4. They face challenges and peer pressure without buckling
5. They understand their own limitation and are not ashamed of it

Their dreams may not be our dreams.  But does that really matter? All that should matter is that they grow into self-confident and well adjusted adults. It is these attributes that will help them weather the reality that is life. Building their self-esteem is the best gift we could ever give them.

Towards a Freer and More fullfilling Marriage

 Your marriage maybe good. But is it great?

It can be if you understand and follow the pointers below.

All around us, we see marriages disintegrating more than ever before. Does this mean that previous generations coped better with conflicts within the marriage? Not necessarily. Compromise and compliance don’t automatically equate to harmony.

So why did they stay together?
Was it because
- of the children?
- marriage had become a habit?
- they loved each other?
- they had to pay the mortgage together?
- they lived in a prohibitive society?
- they were just conditioned to go on no matter what?
- women were financially dependent?
It could have been any or all of these.

What’s different about marriages today?
The traditional male – female gender roles are no longer fully applicable. Most women today are financially independent - that’s one factor out of the equation - to the extent that in some cases it is a major ego bubble. Let’s face it - ego places false, counter-productive, short-sighted limitations on a relationship.

Now, let’s backtrack to compliance and compromise. Automatically agreeing to everything does not augur well for harmony. As for compromise – Beware! For that way lies the path to resentment and power struggles. Compromise not only makes us take on roles that sprout resentment, it also stifles personality, inducing further resentment; unresolved negative feelings accumulate and multiply like unpaid debts. The burden soon becomes staggering.

If not compromise, what then?
Co-operation is the new mantra. Co-operation is the axle that would hold together this two-wheeled cart when riding over those banana peels strewn about the Garden of Eden, we call life. For, co-operation involves both partners whereas compromise burdens just one of the two.

Most couples I know are opposite personality wise. Yet their opposite personalities work in their favour. Then again, there are those who hang on to issues like a dog with a bone despite knowing they are in the wrong. Score-keeping blinds them from seeing the larger picture.

I don’t claim to be an expert on relationships. But coming from a large close knit family – 18 cousins on my mother’s side and 25 on my father’s, I am constantly exposed to a lot family drama and couple dynamics. So much so that my grandmother was fond of saying, “we have enough heroes and villains in our family for our very own epic.”

How strong is our commitment  to our spouses?
When we marry, we commit ourselves to being there for each other, more than for others. But in reality, in pursuit of goals that in the long run don’t even really matter, we often put others before our partners.

Most of us are comfortable in our marriages. But are we truly satisfied with the way things are? The immediate reaction to this question is probably – “Don’t go there.” Because, we’d rather not open the Pandora’s Box and upset the status quo?

Be that as it may, beware of these trippers where we tend to compromise and then become resentful
- poor communication
- annoying personal habits
- constant comparisons
- disruptive parental interference
- different ideas on child-rearing
- unwillingness to forgive real and imagined slights
- never outgrowing manipulative behaviour
- the blame game, a futile exercise we often tend to indulge in.

Being a couple is about teamwork – is about being supportive – is being able to express ourselves freely.
Marriage seems to be a lot of hard work, and sliding back into old habits a constant pitfall. Is it worth it? If it is a non-abusive marriage – yes.

So how do we go about making the relationship better, more rewarding and fulfilling?
The first step is reiterating our commitment to each other. Next, down with the barriers that limit communication - in other words learning to co-operate with each other. Finally, having the courage to openly discuss issues we’d rather sweep under the carpet.

Having thrown out defensiveness along with the barriers – we can now honestly introspect - accept that it takes two to tango - that whatever ails the relationship, we are equal contributors. It takes quite a bit of daring to face our short-comings and trust our partners to love us despite them.  

With the blinders forced on by our ego removed – all our defensive barriers are now down. Won’t this make us feel exposed and vulnerable?

Yes. But now arguing and quarrelling become negotiating and brainstorming. We even realize that we agree with our partner’s viewpoint – a paradigm shift.

The reward for all this trouble … a fulfilling relationship; free from the limitations and red tape placed by ego, barriers and defensiveness.